Some rules to live by...

Living with my mom has highlighted some of my most annoying character rules. Character rules are unspoken, yet extremely pervasive and consistent rules that have been formulated over the years and remain only in my head while being expressed exclusively by way of passive-aggression until I snap. My mom is really good at pointing these out and making me wish she hadn't. Here are two examples.

Cell phone etiquette:

-If you are seated in a car with only one other person and he/she is on their cellular telephone device it is only appropriate that you either (1.) ignore any incoming call from your cellular telephone device or (2.) be thrown from the car at a reasonably high speed.
It may be my inability to be left out of any conversation within ear shot, but I cannot focus on my own cell phone conversation if someone (say....my mother) in the passenger seat is on their cell phone as well. My mind sort of freezes and melds the two conversations together while my soul seethes with frustration at not being able to participate in either conversation fully. And so, as I've explained to my mother in great detail and on occasion with the use of diagrams, it is only appropriate to answer your cellular device if the other passenger(s) are not waiting for or currently engaged in their own cellular telephone conversation.

*Exceptions: emergencies.

Movie theater etiquette:

-Do. not. talk. through. a. movie.

If you are my friend/family member:

Do not ask me what's going to happen next, this is my first time watching as well so I don't know if the main character will get to the terrorists in time to save his ex-wife:
let's both be quiet and watch the events unfold together...in silence.

If you cannot hear well enough to watch a movie, let's not make movie-going one of our quality time activities:
I will not repeat to you the last 30 seconds of dialogue...pay attention or get settled and take a nap.

Keep your hands to yourself during the scary parts. Do not grab at, cling onto, or clasp any part of my shoulder/arm as I am also frightened and you may lose an appendage.

I do not want you to tell me what you think is going to happen next: no one has asked for your keen detective skills, and if you continue to talk to/at me through this feature film, you will owe me $7.50 + $3.50 + $10.00 (for the ticket, for my soda, and for my time).

If you are not my friend/family member:
You are not in your living room: Shut up, or there's going to be a brawl.

*Exceptions: none.

These rules are embarrassing, however I will defend them to the death.