my friend called me this week, from Oklahoma, and asked me where she could find chewing gum at the super walmart in yukon. i closed my eyes, envisioned the floor plan, and directed her toward the four isles on the right side of the store (when facing inward) preceding cosmetics, across from the pharmacy, and just past the jewelry. immediately i felt an emotional pang of embarrassment.
this is probably concerning to anyone who knew me in undergrad...anyone who knows that for four years while living in Oklahoma City i might as well have been a greeter with my own roll of yellow smiley face stickers. before living in N.O. i was under the impression that there was no need to shop anywhere but walmart. everything you need is conveniently in one place: dale earnhardt t-shirt? walmart. belly fat reducing/dietary supplement/amphetamine? walmart. $5 movie bin (with a van damme 2 for 1 guarantee)? walmart. holiday specific socks/underwear/ties etc? walmart. ANY "As Seen on TV" product (including the magic bullet and various hair removal devices)? walmart. cheaply made, mass produced looney tunes apparel? you get the idea.
there was a time in my life where i viewed walmart as a place of provision; it was trustworthy and loyal. i knew the isles; i found comfort in the self-checkout machines; i knew that restocking hours were between 2 and 6 am. i have very good memories of my days spent in the OKC walmart....but just as with any nostalgic sentiment, i may have glamorized my experiences.
since i've moved to New Orleans i've visited walmart four times.
literally.
four.
this sunday i took my fourth (and final?) trip to the New Orleans walmart. i had to buy new tires.
my re-encounter with my beloved store of all stores was similar to that of seeing an old acquaintance after years of separation...i seemed to forget all of the things that irritated me about my old friend and remembered only the 'good' qualities. for instance, it slipped my mind that this old friend on occasion makes you wait four hours to change your tires, giving you ample time to make 15 trips around the store, stop off at the bathroom three times, 'people watch' from the $88.95 patio furniture display, go through the $5 video bin a couple of times (in case you might have missed something), revisit and fall asleep at the $88.95 patio furniture display, and purchase three diet cokes from three different vending machines.
what kind of friend lets you walk in needing a new set of tires and four hours later ushers you out with three sun dresses, a day planner (to add to the collection?) and a new sleeping bag?
