traditions.

oh christmas break. for me it's the same old traditions: setting up the tree with mom in tulsa (despite my efforts to remind her that we will not actually be in tulsa for christmas...just like the last 23 years of my life); visiting grandma marge and grandpa buzz in phoenix for my yearly reminder that i am still single (followed by lengthy flirting lessons given by marge with no lapse in fervor from the previous year's demonstration); and finally a random trip planned by my father to either his house, my sister's house, or (like this year) my uncle's house in midland, texas.

Marge and Buzz:
For most people, Christmas conjures up certain sensations. Smells, tastes, memories....something like sugar cookies personified. For me, at least for the last 6 years, Christmas reminds me of motion sickness, 5 a.m. shopping, horse races, and the elderly.
Marge and Buzz (my mom's parents) live half their lives in Sun City, Arizona along with what seems like seven million other grandparents. Sun City is a lovely place to live. Some of its finer features include: the much abused option to travel anywhere in city limits by golf cart; lights out at 7 p.m. (this is not a rule, however is strictly followed seeing as most of the residents struggle to keep awake through their 4:30p.m. dinner); and streets wide enough to land 747s.
Without fail for the last 6 years the gparents have refused to allow my mother and I to catch a cab from the airport. We've tried late flights and early flights (midnight and 6 a.m., respectively) but alas, they are persistent and to the notion of independent travel to and from the airport Marge always replies, "we wouldn't think of it." The reason my mother and I try so desperately to seek alternate travel means is three fold: 1). despite Buzz repeatedly asking the ticket teller on our departure path from the airport what the best way to return to Sun City would be, Buzz always decides within moments of driving away that the teller is a complete idiot. We inevitably take ANY other highway than the one suggested by the man/woman PAID to know his/her facts. 2). neither Buzz nor Marge has the best eye site...I think we all have grandparents and I need not explain this further. 3). Buzz likes to drive using both feet. This means that at any moment (and for no particular reason) we can be cruising at a leisurely 75 mph and suddenly be parked on the highway (usually this sort of reaction is related to the faulty eye site of the two sitting in the front seats). Year after year, in silence (Buzzy likes the sound of his own whistling over any sort of radio noise) we battle the traffic, we ignore the highway signs, disregard any plans God might have for keeping the four of us alive, and travel along numerous detours taken in an effort to find that elusive highway exit we've inevitably passed due to our position in the far left HOV lane (Buzz is a big fan). All the while Buzz is cursing at Marge because Marge is speaking just soft enough so that Buzz, too stubborn to get a hearing aid, can't hear her and my mom is implementing her best peacekeeping efforts and I'm pretending I'm asleep.

This 30 minute ride takes our little family about an hour and a half.
But I'll be honest, my grandpa is a really good whistler.